In these times of facebook and blogs, it has become self promotion. Even my blog can be considered self promoting. Look at me. Look what I have gone through. Look what I deal with. Look how strong I am. Look how special I am. Feel sorry for me. Pray for me. Censoring myself, only putting out there what I want people to see. I am ashamed of myself. Just because I went through what I went through and came out of it OK, doesn’t make me any more special than anyone else. I didn’t get through it alone. God walked with me, holding my hand.
Chatting with a good friend of mine today, I realized how I need to work on my inner harmony. Work on my soul. Not worry about who hears or sees, but worry about what I am saying or doing. Because God hears and sees all. I am not fooling him.
This blog entry is coming about because of something I said this weekend. And how I was more worked up about who might have heard it, than actually saying it or doing it. I was calling my church to inquire about a food pantry drop off. I got their messaging service and was just about to leave a message when Lincoln
Don’t beat myself up over that, right? I have a lot on my plate. I am stressed. Well that is no excuse. Just because I am going through a lot does not give me a pass to say or do something I shouldn’t. I needed to get knocked off my pedestal. Because I deal with all I deal with and manage to get through it, I got a superiority complex. Look at me. Look how special I am. Look how strong I am. My blog was meant for RSD support and it turned into self promotion. It wasn’t my intention. Just became self consumed in all my problems. I am sorry for that.
As you are a supporter of someone with RSD and your life is directly affected - everything that you have written here is applicable to that mission. Sharing is not always self-promotion. What I do is self promotion as I want to be known for my work and have it reach many many people - what you do is share the struggle of what it means to be an RDS sufferer supporter. Don't fret. Also, God knows that if you don't occasionally lose it on someone, it means that you don't care. By caring, sometimes our emotions get out of check. It's okay.
ReplyDeleteThanks Jhon. I am happy that Kevin reconnected with you. You of all people understand what we are going through. Your friendship means a lot to Kevin, which means a lot to me too. I think I sometimes beat myself up, because it has been rough for so long, when I got some relief and could enjoy life some, like this weekend, going to Medieval Times, I felt guilty for feeling good. Which is sad that I would think that way. I know it is something I need to work on :)
ReplyDelete